Hachi, and the one before him

I know this is a dog forum and Hachi is still here, he is sleeping right now on the sofa next to me, but I need to write about Bua for a bit. Bua was my first dog. She was a mixed breed too, like Hachi, small, grey face, got from a soi near my old school when I was 14. She lived 16 years. Eleven days ago she stop eating, the vet say her kidney was finished. We did the injection at home because she was too weak to go out. I hold her head the whole time. I was not ready, nobody is ready. The weird thing is I keep looking at the bowl at 6pm. I still fill the water bowl in the kitchen and then I remember. Hachi goes to the front door at the same time every day, like he expects her to come back from the garden, and I cry in the bathroom. My mom told me to not be sad too much, she says Bua had a good life, she was with us the whole time, and she was not in pain at the end. I know. But I still miss her every single morning when I open the door and nobody run to my feet. Hachi is seven and he is slow now too, so I am trying to take him out more, because I don't want to waste time like I did with Bua. I was busy with exam and work and I thought she would always be there. That is the thing I cannot forgive myself a little bit. If you lost a dog and you feel like me, I am sorry. Hug your dog today.